December 21, 2014
Lectionary Scripture: Luke 1:26-38
You should have seen the shock on my mother’s face when she learned Nolan was raised Catholic. This fine lad she had met at the Potters House who earned her instant approval ...the news took her breath away.. Could her daughter be courting outside the faith? Nolan could have said he was Jewish or Muslim. You see my mother was your quintessential Methodist church lady, Bible study, church suppers and "What-a-friend-we-have-in-Jesus..."
“You’re a Catholic?” I kicked her under the table so she politely refrained from the follow-up question.” Don’t they worship Mary?”
Mary was a biblical image of my past that was relegated entirely to this season of Advent. Methodists clearly did not elevate her role in the story throughout the year, but at Christmas she was carefully placed in her designated spot looking over baby Jesus in the nativity set. I have collected creches for years and even now, the placement of Mary is done with great reverence. All little girls want to play her part in the annual pageant: Beautiful and mystical all in one. The regal, graceful, blue blanket draped around her sweet face. It so thrilling to pretend to be Mary. The year Colby was a baby, a church on 16th St was asking neighbors to participate in a 24-hour live manger scene. Never mind that my 6-month-old Colby was out in the cold laying in straw. I got to pretend I was Mary for an hour. But then January comes, we fold the cloth, pack her away for another year, and Mary retreats from our lives.
I suppose I have always loved Mary year round. I was a closeted Mary worshiper. For young women and old women alike, maybe she offers a gender identity of how God reveals HERSELF.
At the National Museum of Women’s Art this month is an exhibit: “Picturing Mary: Woman, Mother, Idea: Famous Renaissance work on display." Aside from Christ, Mary is the most painted image in all classical art... I was struck by images of her as a person of compassion, humility, and closeness with Jesus..My God, she could not have been closer... She birthed him, she nursed him, she held him on her lap. One of the paintings described how Mary’s lap was like a human altar for Christ. And for us, then, Mary becomes more relatable; she actually fed Jesus with her breast.
What was lacking from the paintings were images of Jesus seen as suckling his mother or Mary kissing him... The security guard in the room and I pondered this omission... Maybe it brought some excitement to his work day....but we both agreed, we would like to see more intimacy between them.
Reading this sweetly comforting passage in Luke 1, I realized how this familiar holy story has everything to do with the passion I feel for end of life care. When I told Nolan that Gail asked me to preach for Christmas, he laughed and said, "Why would she want the grim reaper to speak on the birth of Christ... ?" That is exactly the point...
The wonders of Christ’s birth are not confined to His sacrificial life which changed humanity. It is also the transformative power of what came after His death. While his mortality as a human being is real, so also is the immortality of his Spirit .
Death is the most universal act with thousands of folks doing it every day, (over 7 billion on earth and millions of us will die this year.) Yet,.. it remains one of the deepest mysteries of our human experience. The life story of each of us is a variation on the theme of loss through death.
Great world religions were created to ponder questions about death and our human mortality. Much like birthing, dying is both the most ordinary AND mysterious events of human life AND both require assistance.
So here we are on this final week of Advent... reading this old familiar drama of the Angel Gabriel being sent by God to Nazareth to this HIGHLY FAVORED (CHOSEN) servant of the Lord. Mary was TROUBLED (PAIN). But the angel ASSURED (PROMISED) her: “Don’t be afraid” It is the line in the pageant where all the proud parents whip out their cameras or cell phones, the halo falls off Gabriel’s head, the kid playing the donkey wonders off stage just as the styrofoam star accidentally drops from the ceiling... Don’t be afraid...The angel goes on to explain the important lineage of this life within Mary’s womb... to the Throne of David, Jacobs descendants... As one who has been with child, I can imagine these details got lost for Mary.. At 6 months pregnant, lineage is the least of your concerns....not an easy time.
Mary mostly wants to know.... HOW WILL THIS BE? (PLAN)
Gabriel responds... The Holy Spirit will come on you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. And to add further comfort... the angel informs Mary that Elizabeth will ACCOMPANY (PARTNER) her on this journey.
Mary replies... “ I AM the Lord’s servant” .. I imagine her saying “Let’s do this.” There are those exceptional times when you face something that feels impossible and completely unknown, but you decide, with some inner strength, that you do not know from where it came, and you muster the words.. “ OK, lets go”. The scriptures make it seem like Mary was already completely trusting in Gabriel’s announcement for this radical change in her life OR, maybe, she was somewhat tranquilized by the appearance of an angel and not fully present. I have always wanted to have a conversation with her about how that transition happened. We don’t really know much about her feelings...except that the scriptures imply it was an affirmative YES to claiming the journey....
This story has spoken to me in new ways this season as last fall I entered into a full time position at Community Hospice as a clinical liaison. It is my role to meet with terminally ill patients and families at hospitals, clinics or homes to discuss with them what they understand about their disease and whether they are interested in comfort measures. I describe another path, one that requires no more trips to the chemo infusion center, no more laying on a stretcher in the ER for hours, no more exhaustive work to try to live. Everyone seems to know on some level that what I am talking about is something they must do and, possibly, most fear. I simply love the conversation and often lose track of time. It is a privilege to engage in the intimacy and vulnerability of that sacred space.
Hospice care is a concept more than the dreaded “place”. It is a way of caring and being, accepting and doing , giving and receiving. The Latin term “hospes” meant both host and guest. It puts the emphasis on the process, an interaction between human beings. The development of the word “hospes” is foundational to hospital and hospitality.
In Reaching Out, Henry Nouwen suggests that
hospitality is not to change people but to offer space where change can take place. Hospitality creates a friendly emptiness where strangers can enter and discover themselves as created free....free to sing their own song, speak their own language, dance their own dance.
Or in some cases eat their own bowl of peach ice cream. While working on the in-patient unit last summer, I had this very large man who had end-stage kidney disease from diabetes, both legs amputated and quite ill. Clarence was from Georgia. So when our volunteers deliver weekly ice cream cart of free Ben & Jerry’s, it was great fun to spoon feed him not one but two bowls of peach ice cream... Upon visiting, his son cautioned ...”my dad is a diabetic.”.. Clarence also happened to be dying so, What the hell!
With hospice, there is no monitoring of vital signs, no rules, no script, no expectations. Our high tech, pharmaceutical-driven medical system has forgotten what many call “the dying role” and it’s importance as folks face natural end of life.They want to share memories, pass on wisdoms and keepsakes, settle relationships, review life, make peace with God and ensure that those they love left behind will be OK. They want to end their stories on their terms. In hospitals built to ensure survival at all costs and completely unequipped to do otherwise, dying people understand that their choices will never be their own. My passion is to remind them that there is another path.
But there is a big problem with death....It is antithetical to our cultural values. In Death, American Style, supporters of radical life extension suggests that there are “ anti-aging activists," molecular biologists who study how to reduce cellular causes of aging, increasing the life span to 150 years. If the “immortality movement” seems a bit Orwellian, perhaps it is important to note that we have already doubled our life span in the last century due to antibiotics, better nutrition, clean water. Since the Roman Empire, our life span has tripled. The progress of medicine and public health has been an incredible boon. Yet, contrary to TV ads of happy, healthy fit seniors about to make love, folks often need help for long periods of time..This is not weakness but the story of aging parts, a pathway that is gradual and unrelenting. We simply fall apart.
In Dr Atul Gwande’s recent book On Being Mortal ( I highy recommend everyone read....Top 10 Christmas books at Politics and Prose.)...he describes so well how American medicine has prepared us for life but not for death. Old age is not a disease, but we medicalized aging and frailty as if it were a clinical problem to overcome.
So back to how the grim reaper relates to a Christmas message of hope and holiday cheer...Hang with me here. This really is “glad tidings of great joy”.
Lets look at the concepts drawn from the story, Mary’s story, OUR story.. CHOSEN PAIN PROMISE PLAN PARTNER YES
As she prepares for this Birth of Christ, Mary becomes for us a way of doing death. She embodies a clear approach with specific instructions that if applied, may actually lead to what we all ultimately want.... A GOOD DEATH.
CHOSEN... When I meet with families, it is never the same and still it is always hard to be told your disease has no treatment. The formal criteria for entering into hospice care is that all medical indications are that you could die within 6 months. This is not something anyone wants to be CHOSEN for. I have never believed God does choose disease, but, rather, it is simply a consequence of the human condition. I learned back in my early AIDS care days that never would I embrace the distorted notion that sin and sickness were related. Of course, folks have lifestyles that lead to illness, but aside from human contribution, I resist believing that God chooses asthma or ebola for its victims.
But what God does CHOSE is our belonging to Him as His beloved from birth 'til death and beyond. Our belovedness never ends. God’s time is timeless.
My mother was chosen for goodness. As the sweetest , dearest person in my life, I know with all my heart that her death was not the finality of her goodness. Consider those most beloved in your life who you have lost....Do you feel that love-force even now ? Each of us is created and chosen just as Mary was chosen to be a vessel, a conduit of light for the world.
PAIN...Christ alerts us that life is full of great suffering. Mary was troubled. We are troubled. How often we learn from Morning Edition just how very troubled most people are. A week of news alone from Ebola, to Ferguson, to CIA torture, Pakistan school children ruthlessly killed... Suffering is profound. My old yoga teacher use to caution her students... do not listen to the news .....the compounded troubles of the world events are heavy on the soul. Our community is one that boldly enters into and accompanies suffering. It is as though being “ troubled together” is easier....and I think it is.. Elizabeth birthed John... Mary birthed Jesus together into a world full of pain...a world needing a Messiah.
PROMISE... “Don’t be afraid”.. Gabriel tells Mary... and goes on to remind her that she will find peace knowing that this life within her is connected to something greater than herself. A part of my job that I absolutely love is sitting in someone's living room, looking at family photos of happier times and asking the person to tell me a life review. Despite physical pain or anxiety about dying, they usually and eagerly seek our a story or two or ten. This is the point in my day where I realize I have now missed picking Collin up from basketball practice...But I am totally enthralled with the assurance that comes with connections to the larger family of life. Gabriel promises Mary that all will be well because you stand on the shoulder of all the faithful servants who have come before you. You are part of something so much bigger than your unexpected pregnancy or your untimely diagnosis of cancer.
PLAN... How will I die? This was the exact question my 94-year-old mother Jeannie asked when we started on hospice. I recall we were in the car together when she asked as if she was about to embark on a journey and wanted to learn details of the trip. I described what will happen to her vital organs, the fluid build up in her limbs as her kidneys failed, her sensation of breathlessness, loss of consciousness and cessation of her heart... She wanted to know the plan.
Mary also wanted to know the plan. How will this be? Mary asks Gabriel. A recent hospice survey showed that of all the concerns patients have, whether they will starve, whether they will be forgotten, whether they will be in pain, the greatest concern is fear of not knowing the plan... What will dying look like? Patients and families often ask .. how, when, what will happen?. In knowing more, they become assured. Everyone’s journey is unique. One thing I promise is that every effort is made to offer comfort for the long hard journey of dying. Is it possible to prepare for our death with the same attentiveness that our parents had in preparing for our birth? I believe Mary's having a plan was comforting for her. There is a reason the scriptures say she asked and God answered her.
PARTNER. Most comforting of all is relationship. I asked Mary Cosby what she thought about Mary and Elizabeth. Without a pause, she said she thinks they were both paralyzed and terrified--one too young, the other too old--to give birth, and she said the most significant revelation in the story to her is that they needed each other, and they went out of their way to be with each other. They meet and affirm in the other the promise given to them. Through these two very different women, God has decided to change the course of human history. Who could ever believe it? Neither Mary nor Elizabeth had to wait in isolation. They could wait together and deepen in each other their faith in God, an impossible plan made possible by God. This most radical of all interventions into history was listened to, received and strengthened with another. It is a story of friendship and community. How can I/you/we ever let God’s grace fully work in our lives unless it is in a community of people who can listen to it, affirm it, deepen it and strengthen it? God always wants us to form friendships, holy place where grace can grow to fullness and ultimately bear fruit.
Mary Cosby will often repeat the same story, and one common observation she reports time and again is how “marvelous” it is that she is right there in the center of that Christ House hallway, across from the nursing station with all the busyness of that space, folks who are ill, needing so much, coming and going, wondering how they even get through the day, and she says, “I have never once heard an unkind word spoken.” “Why is that ?” I ask.
“This place provides a sense of belonging so they can put up with all their suffering. You know Dixcy," she adds in her slow enticing way... as I hang on desperately for the next profound thought, “you can put up with a lot of suffering when you BELONG.” (Said with her long drawn out Southern accent)
YES. Finally, we say YES. Let’s do it. This attitude is pure courage. When asked if Gordon was ever afraid of dying. Mary say, “Gordon”, she interrupts herself, “you know I was very fond of him”, then resumes where she left off.... “That man had no fear about anything and especially not dying. And at 95, he said he was actually enjoying dying. It is a marvelous thing to be happy dying, don’t you think?” Could it be he enjoyed dying because he enjoyed living so much?
Gordon, notwithstanding, I am talking about the ordinary people who find within themselves the courage to take the next step away from the aggressive care toward something unscripted, unknown and most often, heart-breaking to me, medically unadvised. It is this amazing courage that I witness every single day that fills up my own courage cup. Saying “Yes... I can do this” is incredibly inspiring..
We live in a immortality culture that denies death at every turn. Collin ‘s sport commercial messages say to viewers: Despite human biology and normal cellular decay, you do not have to turn grey, wrinkled or impotent. The myth that old age is a treatable disease keeps the NFL well funded. But when folks turn from that denial and face their mortality boldly, there is a great collective YES . Mary said I am God’s and let it be with me according to God’s Word. She said Yes! That very YES leads to her blessing, our blessing. The Magnificat !!! Did she feel blessed as her poor teenage unwed belly grew under the gaze of disapproving others? Did she feel blessed when laboring amongst sheep and straw? Did she feel blessed when her heart dropped, realizing she left her 12-year-old in Jerusalem? At his arrest did she feel blessed seeing rope dig into the wrists of both God made flesh and the flesh of her flesh? Did she feel blessed when they lifted him up? “Blessed are you among women.” But I think the prophet Mary of Nazareth had a particular wisdom from God. I think Mary deserves our devotion because in her we see what casting our lot with and being blessed by God really looks like. Namely that being blessed means seeing God in the world and trusting that God is at work even in things we can’t see, or understand, or imagine. The incentive to say YES was not for wealth or power. Mary seemed to understand that getting a blessing is not the same as getting a present. She said yes not based on the expectation of things being awesome for her but based on the expectation that God can create something out of nothing.: We just never know, simply based on how our life feels, if it is filled with blessing or not. To be a people marked by the faith of Mary is to be a people, who say, “Ok, I don’t understand but I trust that God is at work in all of it.” Blessedness is being used for God’s purpose. “God, I want to live, show me how to die.” Let us remind each other. God gave us Mary to show us how to do both--LIVE and DIE--the same exact way. So be it.